I am 43. I am exactly in the middle of my life expectancy, and I find myself, lately, thinking about death. And I am very worried: I do not yet feel that one day I will die. I mean, I know I will, but yet not feeling like I will.
That is upsetting. I am creating in my mind the everlasting sensation of immortality. I think in future experiences like I will live forever. I can see neverending horizons for my daydreams, neverending sunrises for my expectations, neverending days for my joy. And I know that is all fake sensations, but I cannot prevent myself from feeling like that.
Infinite landscapes of freedom and beauty and amaze. Perpetual twilights of nostalgy and sadness and loneliness. The echoes are continuosly tempting me to follow them to non existing places and moments.
And I fear if this is deeply living or deeply losing.